I Located Kink.Com's Holy Grail!

Most of us, given a little time to do thorough research, could more than easily locate anything we see used in a kink.com (more info about kink.com here) production at a stellar price, of high quality, thereby making it an excellent value. However, I don't think I know that many people kinky or vanilla, in my real life, in my Second Life, through my work or social pursuits online, etc, that would know where, especially domestically, to get a TAZapper. What's a TAZapper, you ask? Why, it's that ingenious and oh, so deliciously terrifying red and black electrical zapper device so often used in kink.com productions. But, oh! My friends, do I have a secret for you! You see, I know of the only U.S. online retailer of the TAZapper as of two nights ago. I think the estimate for what my order would've been, had I placed it, was around 40-43 usd. Not bad. Not bad at all.

And that's all she wrote, folks. The fat lady is singing. The bells have chimed. Tick-tock, tick-tock... you ain't gotta go home but ya can't stay here.

Oh yeah and, btw, next time, more information about the TAZapper.

An Affinity for All Things Audrey

Yes, I HAVE been writing with some increased frequency. Blame it on my "get organized/motivated/more productive" campaign for myself this year or a renewed sense of inspiration due to some interesting prompts I get daily and/or weekly or just blame it on the stars. I mean, who really knows what causes us to be more creative/inspired/productive? I can't blame it on increased energy or better health - both my energy levels and health are completely fuckered right now; nor can I blame it on increased happiness, though perhaps I am more content with myself (though not this horrid vessel which houses my being and seems intent on constantly attacking me). I honestly couldn't tell ya. Anyway, this poem was written a few weeks ago actually but because of template issues (which I'm obviously still victim to - anyone know of a good custom template site or cheap ass web designer?), health issues, general uber-busyness, and the like, I haven't had a chance to post it until now. It was inspired by a pic of Audrey Hepburn, which will be included in this post, as will the obligatory soundcloud track. Oh! By the way, did you know that if you go to my soundcloud profile, you can download all my poems? Just don't redistribute them without my prior consent or I will take legal action, trust me - both my parents are lawyers, as was my grandfather, and I have a cousin or two who are judges. Don't fuck with me with copyright infringement because I do NOT mess around and will pursue every possible legal action to the fullest extent of the law. Just sayin'. Anywho... now back to our regularly scheduled programming. Okay, so the poem: as it's inspired by a woman I reckon the narrator is speaking to a woman (especially considering the title - "Oh, Audrey" and how the poem begins (the first words are "Sometimes, Audrey[...]"). This is quite literally the first love poem or piece of erotica that I've addressed to a woman. I guess since I'm discovering that I lean more towards bisexuality rather than heteroflexibility as I once thought, it only makes sense. It's just another way of exploring that aspect of my sexuality and identitiy, I suppose. So, there ya have it. You got your first lezzie poem from me, aren't ya excited? It's a very descriptive (perhaps ever overly so at times) prose poem that I actually composed in a tumblr post (you DID know I have a tumblr, right? It's called Pretty Porn and Other Loves) off the top of my head and later copied and pasted to MS Word, where I edited and revised it. I'm pretty pleased with the results, if I do say so myself, but am afraid it does get a bit flowery at times in terms of imagery and description. However, I'll let you be the judge as I don't exactly have the most objective perspective now, do I? One thing I do ask - hell, beg of you - is that you leave comments this time. PLEASE! HALP! I like it but am afraid the extremity of the amount of description and imagery may make it kind of shitty and as I've said, I have absofuckinglutely NO perspective here. Thank you so much for the feedback (in advance). Anyway, with no further ado, here she is, the lovely Ms Hepburn...

And the text...

Oh, Audrey

Sometimes, Audrey, you give me chills like icicle fingertips caressing my spine. You take my breath from me suddenly, completely, to the extent that instantly, I can make no sound, choking on strangled whimpers.

I get lost.

Your eyes never fail to make me instantly freeze, transporting me somewhere that lives only in the map of your face - the curves and contours and hollows created by the sloping bones and tapering flesh that comprise your beautifully haunted yet undeniably unguarded visage.

A slight curl of the thin lines of your lips leaves me dazed, stumbling, speechless - your exquisiteness a drug. I am helpless against the splendor of each tiny movement in an expression.

Your elegant yet winsome wiles have a way of halting me in my tracks that not a single other delight in this plane of existence can manage. Your power is irrefutable.

I lose myself to you each time our eyes find each other - be it during a kiss or five years later across a crowded subway station, long separated and no longer in touch.

It is you who I lose myself to - diving towards the coral reefs of your being, your soul finally and achingly spread out in front of me like a duvet - wrinkled and warm whereas I - I am wanton, lying beneath the weight of your stuffing, your soft, downy touch cocooning me in its embrace, and you - you are the opposite – seemingly unfettered by the complications of love and lust, almost naive, wide-eyed and credulous, quite like an unspoiled and sheltered child.

When we come together a balance is achieved, a harmony - our voices comingle and dance together in a way that transforms and triumphs.

Together, we burn, a flame that can't be extinguished, as you hold me so close with those eyes that speak of sun and balmy breezes and beaches where we run bare bodied into the breakers, letting the sea steal us away from the confines of a construct.

Daily, I get stuck in our gaze, lost for hours at a time, then - the day is gone, and when the sun sets, I am wholly and entirely without regrets.

copyright 2011 Katherine Andrews

And, finally, the audio...

I AM the White Rabbit

"I'm late! I'm late! For a very important date! No time to say hello, goodbye! I'm late! I'm late! I'm late!"

- The White Rabbit as voiced by Bill Thompson in Disney's 1951 animated version of Alice in Wonderland (more about Alice in Wonderland).

Yeah, my TMI Tuesday post is late. Again. So be it. You can call me Ms. Rabbit from now on, please and thank you. 

TMI Tuesday: January 31, 2012

Super Bowl Sunday Celebration

Even if their team is not going to the Super Bowl, millions of people love an excuse to party. So party we will. Tell us what your ideal Super Bowl Celebration (or any sports party) looks like by answering:

1. What’s your favorite _____ that you’ll serve at the party (name one item for each):

a. choice of beer - Dogfish Head 90 Minute IPA

b. choice of wine - R.H. Phillips Toasted Head Chardonnay (available at this online wine store or this online wine store)

c. choice of distilled spirit - Knob Creek Bourbon (more about bourbon) (purchase at this online liquor store, this online liquor store, this online liquor store, or this online liquor store)

d. choice of mixed drink - Margarita, Bloody Mary (my personal Bloody Mary recipe), or White Russian (my personal White Russian recipe)

e. choice of chip - white corn tortilla chips

f. choice of dip - queso (medium), crab dip, spinach/artichoke/cheese dip

g. choice of take-out food (pizza, burgers, Chinese food, wings, etc) - gourmet pizza

h. choice of homemade food - ribs on the grill

i. choice of salty food - cheddar & sour cream potato chips

j. choice of sweet food - red velvet cupcakes

2. What will you wear at the party? 

Jeans and a wife-beater style tank top that says something cute across the chest, barefoot, pigtails, boyshorts and a bra that makes my tits look spectacular, of course. Alas, I haz no pics but I swear sometime soon I will get a good camera and grace you with my pretty image. Or not. We'll see. ;P

In the meantime, here's an example of the kind of tank top I might wear:

3. You will be having your very own half time show at the football party. What is that half-time show? Briefly describe. 

Pole-dancing class with demos from the instructor then all the students (female and male) must attempt the moves they've been shown.

4. What team do you wish was playing in the Super Bowl? 

I don't have to wish. My team is playing. I'm a Pats fan all the way, baby! Witwoo! \o/

5. The NY Giants and New England Patriots are in Super Bowl 2012, who do you want to win?  (ummm…yeah, I had to google that info…LOL)

THE PATS, DUH! I just said that, ffs. C'mon, y'all. Get with the program! 

Bonus: Have you ever made a football (or Super Bowl) bet that involved sex? Tell us about your own Super Bowl of Sex. 

Unfortunately, no. Now I have some interesting ideas though. *grins*

Bonus Bonus: Will you watch the Super Bowl? Do you even care about the Super Bowl? American football at all? What’s your can’t live without sport?

I might. A little. A little. Skateboarding, snowboarding, big-wave surfing.